1 Month

Well, It has been one month today since my dad passed away...

It is funny because they always tell you not to make any major decision after the death of someone close - ect... But in about the last month or so I have been faced with, loosing my dad, having to figure out what I will do about school, finding a new home to live in, a new job, working on the house, going thru and getting rid of my things, deciding on quitting artwork or what to do about it... -- it is like everything that the BIG LIFE DECISIONS -- I am facing them and having to make choices ALL right NOW! -- My mom is in the same boat... We have like no real time to THINK... just kinda keep DOING... And we have no real answers for any of them... But the pool is fixed... someone asked me if I was going to use it.. I said I have NO TIME to swim.... but then it hit me I could shoot underwater shots!! - Not sure that I will have time to do that either / the house might be sold in the next few days... we have a few cash buyers looking into it... ... .... I just feel so tired. Tired of all the choices and changes going on... I just keep waiting for things to kinda level out a little....

It was really sad too... like it is the ODD things that get to me about my dad being gone.... Yesterday I was eating jelly on my toast... and I was thinking that "he" bought that jelly.... and when it is gone... it will be gone... I guess in some ways it was a very real representation of his life... a day just comes and they are gone.... sad. -- Hard to believe that it was about this time a month ago that the Dr. said he had made a turn for the worse and we were running to get back into see him.... Seems like 6 months ago! -- I had a dream about him a while back - He was just sitting by the edge of my bed and we were just talking.... it was nice. Suddenly I asked him.... "wait, aren't you dead?" He shrugged his shoulders and said nothing... and then I think that I realized that I could keep talking to him so we talked... =) I just remember in the dream, that I heard his laugh - and I missed it. -- It was a good dream!